i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
