tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
