You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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