There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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