look no pants
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
