dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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