My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
