if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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