Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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