Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
