She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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