I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
