I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
