I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
