thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
