remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
