I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
