Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
