the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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