this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
