He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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