cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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