Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
