the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
