Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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