You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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