just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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