I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
