I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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