You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
