I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
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