I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
