apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
