Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
