He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
