Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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