The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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