How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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