You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
