I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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