Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
