if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
