I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
