K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
