hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
