fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
