i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
