I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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