I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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