Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
