Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
