Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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