I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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