So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
