I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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