Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
