My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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