Whod you bang
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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