it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
