Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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