We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
