yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
