I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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