My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
