I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
