he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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