I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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