Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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