Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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