half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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