Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
