A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
