New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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