you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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